My entire life is one complicated drinking game
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
