i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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