One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
