my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
