I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
So much rum. So many feels.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
