goodnight i made you a song goodbye
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
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