how can u be prego again
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Is it penis luge time yet?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
