just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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