And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
