I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
