Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
