My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
