hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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