So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
