I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
