i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
