She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
