I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
