Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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