Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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