I'm lost and stupid without you.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
wow bdsm is so cute
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