how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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