he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
