If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
