you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
