I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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