What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
