I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I think people are normalizing furries
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
