Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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