you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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