Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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