So drunk, too bad you don't want this
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
