Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
