can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
