just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You dont lie about slip and slides
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Randomize
