420 ftw
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
