The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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