I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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