Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
