I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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