My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
