I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
