I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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