i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Hippo gnu deer
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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