i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
