She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
