I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
