He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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