found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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