Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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