In America we eat man semen.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
