all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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