It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
